The zombie apocalypse has arrived in every school. Every single teacher reading this knows smartphones in classrooms are dumbphones. There isn’t a teenager or primary school kid in the world who can resist the temptation to react to the flashing, beeping and ringing of a pocketed phone. Non-teachers have no idea how important it is to kids to know that Khloe Kardashian has a pimple on her butt and is concerned about it. Or that some 16-year-old YouTuber has posted another inane update about yet another inconsequential factoid.

Kobe drawing on the iPad using Adobe ideas. Mixed reviews, he’s getting a little frustrated with the controls, sometimes it’ pans when it should be drawing, sometimes it doesn’t let you draw over something you’ve already drawn….

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Here is my two-step solution

  1. Issue each teacher with a mallet and several plastic bags (recyclable, of course). Any mobile phone seen in any classroom can be placed in the bag and transformed into thousands and thousands of tiny, little pieces so it can never ever ring, beep or flash again. Return to student.
  2. Repeat as necessary until classroom becomes a mobile phone-free zone and zombie apocalypse is defeated.

Each teacher would only have to smash one or two phones at most – pour encourager les outres. I confidently predict the problem would go away – immediately and as long as the mallet was in a prominent place in the classroom.

Complainers go your hardest; I know what you will say. So, to save further time, here are the top fake reasons students say they need their phones in classrooms.

  1. My parents need to contact me. Not during class time, mate.
  2. So I can get on the net. Really? You never use your own data, mate, use the school’s – oh, that’s right, the school blocks Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc….
  3. To photograph what’s on the board. Nope…you’d really like to Instagram the teacher so everybody can have a laugh. Hilarious.

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Here’s the thing; mobile phones are destroying kids’ classroom learning experiences. Not only do they distract their owners; they distract everybody else. They cost a fortune to buy and operate. They cost schools a fortune in executive time dealing with the abuse, the cyber bullying, the exam cheating and their attention-span smashing effects.


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